


Sliver of the Butterfly Wing

by Androidraptor



Category: 08th MS Team, Universal Century Gundam
Genre: Gen, Ghinius is a hot mess, and angsts about things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-20
Updated: 2013-10-20
Packaged: 2017-12-29 23:44:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1011488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Androidraptor/pseuds/Androidraptor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tiny first person drabble about Ghinius's thoughts sometime between episodes 8 and 9. Beware of angst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sliver of the Butterfly Wing

I'm not afraid to die.

No, I couldn't be. Not in my situation, not in my life. I think Aina's more afraid of my mortality than I am. Is that odd? I suppose it might be, but I'm not sure.

That is, she was more afraid until he came along. Now she doesn't care. I know she doesn't. The distant, disgusted look in her eyes when she's forced to be in my presence. She's just like mother.

I'm not good enough for her, just like I wasn't good enough for mother.

It's infuriating. I don't see how she can do this to me! I didn't do anything to her! Or maybe I did? I don't know, she won't say anything. She just avoids me, stays in her room, stays with Norris, but never with me anymore. She loves someone else. After all I've done for her, she just drops me like something that's worn out its usefulness.

Was I even useful to begin with?

Of course I still have the Apsaras. I'll make my mark on the world, whether she appreciates it or not! Maybe she'll come back around when I go from being her useless brother to the man who single-handedly won the war! Only a fool wouldn't. Yuri, he's a fool. He thinks he can win the war with man power alone. He's always been like that, thinking men and men alone are enough. Men are imperfect, men tire, men make mistakes. Unlike machines. Machines don't tire if maintained, machines don't make mistakes.

Machines don't run away.

So when I when the war, they'll be the ones left in the cold. They'll come crawling back to me, apologizing for ever doubting me. Aina's legacy won't be of the disgraced, scandalous Sakhalin family but the family who won the war. She'll be able to hold her head high in a way I never was able to. Maybe she'll appreciate me then! Maybe then she'll see all I do for her, all I do that some nobody from the Federation can't. And Yuri, maybe he'll finally realize all that science can do for the world. All that I can do. And I'll be happy. My entire existence will have paid off. It will all be worth it.

Right?

This is why the Apsaras must be protected at all cost. All available resources must go into this project. It's my, no, our chance to finally make it all come full circle. All the pain and suffering, disgrace, loneliness, everything. No one can interfere. Not Yuri, not Aina. Not Norris. No one. If they try to, I'll just have to see they're taken care of. It's a small price to pay for the victory of Zeon.

It's not like they care about me anyway.

I despise being alone.


End file.
